You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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