You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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