it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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