i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
