i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
