If i could tip my vagina, i would.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
