forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
