No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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