This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Randomize
