i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My ass is underappreciated
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
