I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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