Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
