6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
