based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
