I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
My cat gives me a boner
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You've changed since you got that strap on
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
