I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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