hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
