the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
