those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
