you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
