Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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