This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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