Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
