New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
