Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
