Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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