Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
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he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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