I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize