i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
