Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
