I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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