New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
