there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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