I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
