I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I think my moral compass just broke
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
