i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
So vagazzling was a success
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
