Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
