If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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