Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You need Xanax blowdarts
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I'm always down for nudity.
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