Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
as a side note pls kill me
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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