My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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