evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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