TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
if only i could text you this smell
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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