I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
