In the future we'll all be gay
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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