oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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