Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
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bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
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We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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