I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
