you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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