flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
