just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
