What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
