hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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