And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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