she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
