it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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