i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
