so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
