It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
