Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
