your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
