Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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