Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
