I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
