That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
