He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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