nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
