pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Randomize
