I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
