he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just want to make out with him forever
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
