Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
