my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
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We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
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There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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